By Merick N.H. Ulrik
Spoiler review of Marvel’s “Eternals”. Folks, I saw and I can’t unsee it! This movie shows where the Disney MCU is headed. This is a spoiler review so don’t read any further if you do not want the plot or scenes spoiled for you.
What I liked about Marvel’s “Eternals”.
I’m really struggling to write anything in my Spoiler review of Marvel’s Eternals that is positive. I liked the idea of this celestial Arishem being Galactus and that Marvel would build a longer story around fighting Galactus. Also, Angelina Jolie still looks hot but she doesn’t have many lines in this movie.
Why Eternals were Eternally boring and unentertaining.
The most obvious reason is they pose constantly in a line for the camera. And just like the posing for the camera, these beings are supposedly thousands of years old but they come off as very current and trendy. This movie was 156 minutes long but it felt way longer.
Even without all the woke propaganda, the story is boring.
Very unrelatable characters sent to fight creatures, “Deviants” that we know little about but they mop up with them in a montage at the beginning of the film spanning the millennia till the current time. Out of town superheroes making a stop at a third world planet and visiting the locals, it’s a work vacation.
Forced Diversity Hiring for Superheroes
Diversity for diversity’s sake alone, you have the first Deaf superhero, the first Indian superhero, the first Korean Superhero, the first Gay Superhero, the first perpetual child superhero, the first superheroes lead by females. The amount of forced diversity did in no way seem natural. They were all created by this Celestial Arishem at the same time thousands of years ago and I guess he had a diversity mandate from the Celestial board of regulations.
Having a disability and overcoming it makes a person admirable but …
I can’t think of any deaf person who would not want her hearing at 100% if possible. While it does add character to a superhero who was made blind by an accident like Mike Murdock as Daredevil but a superhero who was created by a powerful Celestial to be deaf serves no real advantage.
White Man Bad in Marvel’s Eternals.
The character Ikaris played by Richard Madden was based on director Chloe Zhao’s vision of Superman. Ikrais is the one white alpha male in the film and so he is the bad guy. This movie is again designed to uplift women by lowering men. Data shows 63% of comic book buyers are men, 37% being females. And superhero comics are bought by 78% male readers. And side note I have no information that Clhoe Zhao has ever done any film work in the Superhero category. Her Film career, impressive as it is, is not prone to that.
Overpopulation Control!
The Hollywood elite seems to be obsessed with the overpopulation of our planet and wants to keep bringing up this theme to society over and over again. It seems Bill Gates, and Walt Disney and Marvel Studios want to remind us this would be a pretty good planet to live on if there weren’t so many grubby people on this planet using CO2 and farting.
Oops we have helped to destroy every human being on earth.
The plot of this story comes to the central theme that the Celestial Arishem sent the Eternals to earth thousands of years ago to kill the Deviants so that the population would grow enough unabated so that it would reach a maximum population for a new Celestial, Tiamat, to be born inside the earth and destroy it in the process. Most of the Eternals felt tricked and didn’t know they were helping to bring about the end of every life on earth, some already knew. So they try to team up and stop The Emergence of a new celestial basically disobeying their creator and mission and in the process stopping a new galaxy from being created. Bad white guy Ikaris which they all loved before is their new enemy and against all odds, and guess what they stop The Emergence.
No love lost for Marvel’s Eternals.
This movie made all the DC Justice League Movies look good in comparison. You are gonna bring up Galactus but not even mention or have a cameo of The Silver Surfer? As Joe Biden once said, “Come on man.” My honest spoiler review of Marvel’s Eternals is that this is the worst Marvel movie to date. The Film critics loved it and the fans did not. Audiences polled by CinemaScore gave the film an average grade of “B” on an A+ to F scale, the lowest grade for an MCU film. The review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes reports an approval rating of 47% based on 377 reviews, with an average rating of 5.6/10.
I did not enjoy Marvel’s “Eternals”; it was boring and filled with propaganda. I give it 1 Star.
My only question is was this worse than The Matrix Resurrections? They were both so bad and it has been too soon. Please comment and let me know if you disagree with my review or concur. If you need a movie that is a better Superhero film go see Spider-Man No Way Home.
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